


what's in a name

by FancifulRivers



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Misgendering, Non-Binary Frisk, Non-Verbal Frisk, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-16 23:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12352923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FancifulRivers/pseuds/FancifulRivers
Summary: Frisk finds their name.





	what's in a name

You close the door behind you on autopilot, slipping the lock shut as softly as you can so your mother can't hear it, and finally sink down to the floor, burying your head between your knees and crying silently. It's an art long practiced, though it makes your throat sore and your nose stuffy.

You tried to tell her. You should have known it would go horribly wrong. When has looking to her for support ever gone all right? She didn't care when you told her that the kids at school were bullying you- she just laughed, in that snotty, derisive way she has that makes your cheeks burn, and told you to suck it up.  _Welcome to the real world, kiddo,_ as she's so fond of saying while she pinches your cheek or tousles your hair too rough. When the next door neighbor told her you'd nearly been hit by a car on the way home, all she did was yell at you about being more careful (in private, of course, she knows better than to act that way in front of other people and you hate her a little for it). The only reason she learned ASL for you is because of the support worker.

But she's your  _mother_ and you still love her and you  _hoped_ -

You learned about gender in school, that there's more than boy and girl, that sometimes there's an inbetween or a not at all, and happiness blooms inside you like a strange, secret flower because finally, there's a  _word_ for it, for something you've known for so long but never been able to articulate.

So you try to tell her, cheeks flushed with shyness and fingers flying through the unfamiliar words, until she stops you with that same derisive laugh.

"That's liberal bullshit, kiddo," she tells you, face too red like it is when she's been drinking. "You're either a boy or a girl and  _you_ , girly, are definitely a chick. I've changed enough of your shitty diapers to know."

 _I'm not,_ you try to insist, but then she starts to get angry, and you know better than to push it, so you hide in your room, like you always do when she gets mad.

You sit there for longer than you intend, until you can see the sun start to go down outside your window, and you hastily push up to your knees, unlocking the door. She doesn't like it if she finds out that you've locked her out. It only makes her madder.

Just in time, because you hear her footsteps down the hall, and soon enough, the door creaks open. She looks down at you, still sitting on the floor, and scrunches her nose.

"Do your homework," she half-slurs at you. Yep. She's drunk again. "You want pizza for dinner?" You nod. "Hope you like pepperoni tonight, 'cause I ain't ordering anything else." She doesn't wait for your response this time, just stumbles back toward the living room.

It's when you're sat at your wobbly thrift store desk, staring down at your spelling words, that you think of a new name.

The teacher mentioned new names, too, that a lot of people change their names when they come out, either because they don't like them anymore or because they don't feel they fit.  _Yours_ certainly doesn't fit you, it never has. It feels itchy and uncomfortable, like the wool sweater your mom made you try on last winter before she noticed the splotches up and down your arms and realized you're allergic to wool.

But you don't know how to choose a new name. You don't like girl names, like Emma or Karen. You don't like boy names, either, like Aiden or Tyler. Those names fit the kids in your class, but they certainly don't fit  _you_. 

 _Okay,_ you decide, closing your eyes and readying your finger, poised just above the page with all your spelling words.  _Whatever word my finger lands on will be my new name._ It's silly, maybe, but you can't think of another way to do it. And maybe your name will be really cool! You can hoard it to your chest like a dragon hoarding treasure, your own secret gold where no one can laugh or tell you that it's wrong.

Your finger touches paper. You open your eyes.

_Frisk (to search someone for hidden items, to skip or leap playfully)._

_F-r-i-s-k_ , you finger spell to yourself slowly. Happiness buds again in that secret place inside of you. It's a new name, an  _unusual_ name, but you think that's why you like it so much. It's a name just for you, like your gender is just for you. Maybe it doesn't matter that your mom doesn't understand. You don't need her to anymore.

* * *

It hurts when you fall into the mountain, though golden flowers stop your fall. You still feel bumped and battered and bruised and moreso when a talking yellow flower comes up to you. You don't trust him, not  _really_ , so it scares you but doesn't surprise you when his 'Friendliness Pellets' turn out to be not so friendly. 

It's more of a shock when someone actually comes and  _rescues_ you, someone in a long purple dress with a rune you don't know on the front. She looks like an enormous goat crossed with something else and when she helps you up, her paws are softer than anything you've ever felt before.

"What is your name, child?" She asks gently. You slip your hand free so you can sign it better, hoping that she understands sign language because you left your notebook somewhere on the surface and you don't know if she has paper.

"Frisk?" She asks in confirmation and you nod, apprehension unspooling in your stomach. You tense, ready for her to act like you know your mom would, to laugh, to tell you that's a stupid name, not a name at all, tell me your  _real_ name...

"That's a lovely name," she says instead, and the shock makes it hard to keep walking. "My name is Toriel." You smile.

 


End file.
